As I sit here and wait for the aspirin to lessen the symptoms of Angina, my mind nears the subject of : Could this be it?
Questions swirl around my mind, keeping me from attaining a state of Zen.
Questions of family,
questions of did I Live, Love, Laugh, Cry, Believe, Give, Care, Dream, Play, Create, Rest…….. enough!
Sitting here afraid to take a deep breath , deep inside I know that by my own standards the answer is NO!
I can’t get enough of this gift of life! It’s beautiful, it’s scary, it’s sad, it’s rich, it’s a rollercoaster, it’s full of surprises!
It is what we make and dream it to be! And my dreams have not all been dreamt-I have dreams to fill 5 life times!
So I tell myself, when this episode is over and my fear is gone , than I will list my dreams and as I make them my reality,
I’ll check them off and let the happiness of accomplishment wash over me!
Until then, I sit still and mentally push the stress away and wait for the aspirin to take effect.
My bike is named RAVEN!
Because while deciding on a name, a RAVEN almost flew into my windshield! She was so close I could have reached out and touched her beautiful black feathers but what was so amazing is that for a split second our eyes met and I felt as if we knew each other! I felt connected, as if we shared the same eyes!
And now that much time has passed, my dreams are filled with visions I can’t yet translate, daily she comes and checks on me, here or there or were ever I may be-watching me !
She leaves words deep within my soul, words that sit and make me ponder, what meaning to all this misery there is.
Why love burns within my being, yet finds no release-smoldering and scalding my blood, bringing tears when I can no longer bear the absence of feeling upon my skin!
Her wings fan the flames within, she teases me with her wings of freedom, soaring above my sorrow, beckoning me to join her on her flight above the nothingness we call life!
She knows the secret of it all, God placed it in her heart! She shares with me what she is allowed, never revealing all that she has been given, knowing that I’m to discover it myself!
Yes, Mr. Poe, your Raven spoke only one word-NEVERMORE, but my ebony sister leaves me volumes in images and dreams!
Waiting in the depths of my spirit , waiting for me to speak them aloud, waiting for me to piece together the grand story of My Being!