This mornings discussion somehow was about rules and my DH says: “We are Americans-we bend the rules.” I asked him how does someone know if they are breaking the rules vs. bending them. He answers: ” It is the intention. If your intention is to do good, then you are bending the rules. Anything else is breaking the rules.”
So instead of hating on someone for “breaking your rules”, maybe you should see the big picture from their point of view. They might not be bending the rules for their own selfish reasons but because they truly believe in something passionately. As long as no one is hurt.
Compromise, what a great idea!
Two parties want different things but no one is willing to give in-so you come up with a compromise. A solution to the problem at hand that both parties can live with. Sounds great and in most cases it works out great too—–
But, what about you ? What if you find yourself in relationships, friendships and social circles being the one having to do all the “compromising “?
It starts out hamless enough: Suzy pouting: “I don’t want to do that!” So, you give in and do what Suzy wants. The next time comes around and again Suzy does not want to do something so the pouting starts but this time you stick to your guns and let her know what ya’ll will be doing-well, suddenly something comes up and Suzy can’t go-ok it happens sometimes-but now Suzy is Butthurt and instead of telling you what is wrong she decides to totally go dark for a few weeks, leaving you and everyone else wondering what in the hell is going on! She is now in manipulation mode-she will have had the time to practice some sob story of what has been going on and why she has been so distant. (research into the validity of her statements prove that she is not too honest either.)
Or she loudly protests any suggestions you make, because they were not her ideas. In those moments the “team player” mentality is not being practiced. Again, her treatment of you leaves a lot to be desired.
True friends and most people for the fact of the matter do not act like this, they understand what compromise means, they understand that in relationships you give and you take. Never too much of one and most definitely never too much of the other.
Things need to change when:
You find yourself having to compromise much more than just who gets to decide what is going to be done.
You find yourself giving into the wishes of others so as not to upset them.
You find yourself disregarding your beliefs, just to pacify someone else.
You find yourself doing something under “false / shady” pretenses.
There is no shame in calling people out for that behavior , there is no shame in leaving those types of relationships, there is no shame in being UNCOMPROMISING in those areas that mean much to you! (IMHO if no harm of any kind comes to another being).
May you recognize selfish behavior not only in others but in yourself too and put a stop to it !
If you have ever spent the whole day riding you have surely seen it. The Sun as it rises is reddish-orange and then in the blink of an eye it is blazing white!
I noticed this recently on a ride and at first it was just an annoyance, I had to stop my journey to put on sunglasses so that I could even see. I must admit I was a little annoyed, I had to put on my flashers and pull over.Cars and trucks were whizzing by me and for a moment, that thought went thru my head, you know the thought, the one everyone has at one time or another-get hit by some vehicle that is magically drawn to anyone stopped on the shoulder!
Well fast forward to the end of the day-the Sun is starting to set and it is blazing white (it was a gorgeous day to ride) I noticed this and then as I pass a bank of trees and come out from under an overpass the setting Sun is instantly reddish-orange! And I am once again faced by the decision to change my eyewear-the difference this time though is that I am not riding solo. I am leading my Sisters home after a wonderful day of riding. Do I stop and change out my eyewear now or do I wait until it is safe to pull off the road? To be honest there was no question for me, I would lead my Sisters to a safe place for everyone to pull over!
And that is how it is in life for me-when it only affects me I will sometimes make decisions that are not always the safest, bestest or wisest. When it affects others, than I have to take the time and look at solutions from all sides and pick the best one for the good of the all. Does that mean I am “wishy-washy”? Should my Sisters never see me change my mind? I surely hope not ! We all have areas that are non-negotiable, as we get to know people, we kinda get an idea of where they stand on certain issues. Getting to that point can be difficult and straining, we many times still have our own interests in mind instead of the other person’s.
It is good to disagree, it gives us the opportunity to grow and learn how to see issues from all sides. The key is not to take it personally, and that is maybe the biggest obstacle we face. We think that if someone is not in agreement with us they surely must be against us. How boring would life be if we all agreed on everything?
So what I must learn to do is separate the person from the issue, and remind myself that it is ok for others to disagree with me-BUT, I ask those around me to also play by the rules and respect my position on issues.